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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Will he ever wake up? DOCTOR: Only a shocking truth will do it W: i sold his pet hamster ME *eyes fly open* WHERE HAS THEODORE GONE"

"My mind: ""Today was a productive day."" My body: ""Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again.""..."

"what did they tell the eastern European tree who wanted a room at the hotel california you can czech in any time you want but you can never leaf"

"""Son, I've found a condom in your room."" ""Gee thanks, Grandpa!"" ""Why are you calling me Grandpa?"" ""Because I couldn't find it yesterday."""

"Top Joke in Scotland I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread"

"I went running today but came back after 5 minutes because I forgot something I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes."

"Deep down, we're all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on."

"So a drum falls off a cliff... ... Ba dum psshhh!"

"Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? Well, the wedding was terrible... but the reception was great!"