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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm OK"", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say ""You're not OK"" and hand me $10,000."

"*Friend sees my knuckle tats* F: 'MMA4LYFE,' really? *I put my fists by my English prof's 'OXFORDCO' knuckle tats* *we start break dancing*"

"A bank is a place that will lend you money.... if you can prove that you don't need it."

"Why did the farmer's bucket keep singing songs? Because it was haulin' oats."

"Michael J Fox called me earlier but of course he had dialed the wrong number."

"I like my women like I like my champagne 13 years old and smashed over the bow of my yacht"

"I spilled coffee on my laptop. now it won't go into sleep mode.."

"When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it's never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs."

"My math paper had a question involving finding the expectation of a die roll. It took me a moment to figure out what it means"

"Bill Gates walks into a Apple Store.... and as he is looking at the ipad he farts. He takes a whiff and says to an employee, you need to buy some windows."