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Joke of the Day

"You know that brain-dead zone you go to in the middle of a cardio workout? Is that where dogs always are?"

"What did one bag of shit say to the other bag of shit? ""Ugh, stop standing so colostomy."""

"I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer."

"I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds ""by mouth"" on the prescription label."

"Four Worst Feelings Ever: 4. Losing your job 3. Romantic break up 2. Death of a loved one 1. Needing to pee when you're stuck in traffic"

"Notice how ""me"" comes first in merge? There's a reason for that."

"I'm organising an event to help raise awareness of male sexual dysfunction, particularly a failure to climax. If you can't come, let me know."

"How amazing is Michael Phelps? He's got like a Brazilian Medals."

"How did Donald Trump know he had an STD? Because he was fired"

"Press ""three"" for Spanish, and press ""fo"" for Ebonics"