8649

Joke of the Day

"If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show."

"dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun"

"My cat went missing, so I put up posters of myself that says... ""If you're reading this, you better get your ass back home right now!"""

"Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live? All she does is stay on the dashboard."

"In the old days they sacrificed virgins to appease the Gods. They must have realized sacrificing the town slut would have been such a waste."

"Did you know that Iceland has the death penalty! It's called Ramadan"

"I'm glad to see Reddit is so environmentally friendly! Especially /r/jokes. They are full of recycled content!"

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two and now it's offensive to talk about."

"Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn? The kernel was looking for him."

"Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f*cking chainsaw."