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Joke of the Day

"If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show."

"Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book? They all have phones."

"Candidate, with lisp, interviews for executive position at Citibank Interviewers: ""Alan, where do you see yourself ten years from now?"" Alan: ""Running shitty bank."""

"I don't know what to do when someone yells stop Is it hammer time? Is it in the name of love? Do I collaborate and listen?"

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, ... I'd start thinking about you."

"My wife said she was divorcing me because I am obsessed with masturbation. I told her to go fuck herself"

"What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas? Cancer. Happy new years folks!"

"Why do teenage girls not like filing papers? They just don't believe in labels."

"What do you call a muslim flying a plane? A pilot."

"What's your blud type bob? Typo"