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Joke of the Day

"[to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? ""ugh I can't wait to go home"" know who else wanted to go home"

"The moon landings looked more realistic than Hillary's rally last week. And those were faked with 1960s technology."

"What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies."

"The next iPhone will be without a... Screen. You can buy a wireless screen. We are removing it because it's bulky and old."

"What do you call a cantaloupe who can't elope? A cantaloupe. The spelling is completely different..."

"I saw a guy struggling with the frozen vending machine trying to get some ice cream. Really paralleled my attempts to reach my ex-girlfriend's heart."

"So my brother is dating a mermaid. Yeah, apparently their relationship's on the rocks."

"[warning: Dad joke] What country has the most internet crimes? E-gypt"

"What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !"

"Tighty-whities are like cheap hotels No ballroom."