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Joke of the Day

"I saw a guy struggling with the frozen vending machine trying to get some ice cream. Really paralleled my attempts to reach my ex-girlfriend's heart."

"It's not about retweets or followers, it's about alienating your children so they learn to be independent and responsible"

"The #1 Killer of cats aged 14+ is feline AIDS. However, the #1 Killer of people aged 60+ is.... Hearing AIDS."

"My favorite new social app is turning off my phone."

"If I'm busy and see an interesting article, I open it in a new tab, read the first paragraph, and later, when I have time, close the tab"

"If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in their recipe."

"Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time !"

"What did the premature ejaculatist say to his offended lover? Sorry... That came out wrong."

"What did the little black kid think when he got diarrhea? He was melting"

"The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone."