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Joke of the Day

"Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first."

"Someone turn off the internet I'm trying to sleep"

"The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length."

"I told my girlfriend I would get a picture of her on my new debit card... So that even if we break-up, she'll still be taking my money."

"I've never owned a telescope... But it's something I'm thinking of looking into"

"What's the difference between a gay guy and my refrigerator? My fridge doesn't shit on me when I pull my meat out of it!"

"My grandma used to say, ""I'll give you something to cry about!"", and then she'd toss a severed hand in my lap."

"I fully support any type of marriage that doesn't involve me."

"When she screams ""deeper!""... But you're all out of poems."

"What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby I think I'm falling for you!"