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Joke of the Day
"What does primate meat taste like? Oh, it has sort of an orangutang to it."
Next Joke
"They say time flies like the wind.. But fruit flies like bananas"
"My momma always said life is like a load of laundry. Sometimes you gotta separate the colors from the whites."
"When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it."
"I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room."
"Quitting smoking is really easy... I've done it like 100 times already"
"What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both."
"What does a feminist use as a contraceptive? Her personality"
"What do you call a group of spoiled children? The government"
"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."