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Joke of the Day

"Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all."

"What do Mexicans use to cut pizza? Little Caesars."

"24 bugs in the code 24 bugs in the code... Take one down patch it all out... 78 bugs in the code..."

"I like my women how I like my coffee. Big tits."

"What do you call cheese that's not yours? NACHO CHEESE!"

"wife: I TOLD you not to try a 360 with the grocery cart me: It was really nice when everyone started clapping after they saw I was ok though"

"Me: Dad, how did you guys manage without WhatsApp and SMS ?? Dad: We used to keep useless information to ourselves."

"[on deathbed - calls for son] "".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."""

"Sitting in my car eating McD's, and I hear a quiet voice behind me go: ""Here, we have The Fat Woman in her natural habitat.."""

"Imagine meeting the person of your dreams and then finding out they use cutlery to eat a burger."