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Joke of the Day

"How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already screwed in! heh. *chirp* *chirp*"

"Grandma: can you call out the bingo numbers? Me: idk i've never done it B4 Gma: holy shit you're a natural"

"All this darkness is making me feel like Hellen Keller."

"Working for sanitation truly is a thankless job Not only do you have to take your boss's shit, you have to deal with everyones"

"How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady? Me: I do."

"Don't tell me I look tired unless you're offering to carry me"

"What does 90 year old Pu$$y taste like? Depends..."

"What vegetable is the favourite of British people? Queuecumbers."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Black and taken from poor countries when not mature."

"I invested some money with a Nigerian Prince... he turned out to be a very successful tribute act!"