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Joke of the Day

"Ted Cruz wants a 19% federal sales tax on goods and services made in the U.S. The only thing flatter than this proposal : his personality."

"Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that."

"Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind."

"Why are there 2 doors on a chicken coupe? Because if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan"

"Boy: *calls 911*......... Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"My phone won't let me be depressed. It autocorrected :( to :)"

"What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off? A booby trap!"

"Spain now have the messiest prisons in the world. No messing."

"Its not gay if its a three way The two other guys promised."

"Mexican drug lords now have ig and keep posting selfies with stacks of money, mansions and yachts. I think the army... could really learn something from that recruitment campaign."