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Joke of the Day

"Hey, remember when AT&T told you to ""reach out and touch someone"" and you ended up with that restraining order? Good times!"

"Lord give me coffee to change the things I can...and vodka to accept the things I cannot. Amen!"

"Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of the sand which is there."

"How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Flip it over"

"[Morgan Freeman voice] Isolated from his group, this penguin will not survive [penguin voice] Hey dude, I can hear you."

"I want a sand timer with ground spices instead of sand That way when it starts to run out I can say, ""Oh no, I'm running out of Thyme!"""

"What do you call a cocktail of iced tea and skittles? A trayvon martini. Yeah I thought that joke might GARNER some negative attention. It was a 1/5 joke. 3/5 with RICE."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, homosexual rooster? Dude'll do a cock!"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it..."

"I asked my girlfriend why she always laughs after sex She says, it's an inside joke."