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Joke of the Day

"At 31 years old, I decided to grow up, kick a bad habit and stopped biting my nails. The nosebleeds are getting annoying, though."

"Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ""Do you all want a beer?"" The first logician says, ""I don't know."" The second logician says, ""I don't know."" The third logician says, ""Yes."""

"Why is pulling out 100% effective for superman? They never survive the 1000ft fall to earth. (Thanks Drawn Together)"

"You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too."

"How do you tell if your gas station attendant is a former porn star? Right before he finishes pumping your gas he takes it out and sprays it all over your car"

"The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food."

"One time I walked in to a pole..... ...... and, uh, I don't remember."

"I have better things to do with my time than my job."

"A son asked a his Jewish father The son asked ""Dad, could I borrow 30?"". The father turned around and answered ""10? Why do you want 5?"""

"When I catch my dog sleeping, I shave dicks into his fur."