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Joke of the Day

"At 31 years old, I decided to grow up, kick a bad habit and stopped biting my nails. The nosebleeds are getting annoying, though."

"Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed? The sharks life lacked porpoise."

"What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale."

"Whats the hardest thing to eat about a vegetable? The wheel chair"

"My girlfriend left me because I couldn't stop singing Linkin Park. I don't know why it made her so angry, but in the end, it doesn't really matter."

"How many blondes does it take to change a diaper? Ask Hugh Hefner."

"I've installed some complaining-powered lightbulbs in my bedroom They occasionally turn off, but never for more than 5 seconds"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Fuck if I know."

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say ""Wow is it Halloween already?"""

"I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night. He must have been really into the boos! Happy October!"