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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale."

"Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face... I never thought I'd stoop so low"

"*seductively boils hot dog* *suggestively unscrews ketchup bottle* *alluringly toasts bun* *erotically describes this in between asterisks*"

"1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning. 1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey."

"Next week I have an MRI scheduled to find out whether or not I have claustrophobia."

"People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I'm stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence."

"A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish When the cook walks in and says ""STOP WASTING MY THYME"""

"How do librarians file melted marshmallows? According to the Gooey Decimal System."

"Time flies in Italy.... ...Everywhere you look, another Dago's by....."

"Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home"