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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say ""Wow is it Halloween already?"""

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods."

"there's a portal to another dimension underneath Zooey Deschanel's bangs and I am determined to use it to meet Benjamin Franklin"

"What's the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford!"

"Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I'd be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Leos don't change lightbulbs although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out."

"Why are none of my jokes funny? Because I have a shitty sense of humor."

"Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees."

"Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. ""Would you like that toasted?"" What? ""Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."""