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Joke of the Day

"I've installed some complaining-powered lightbulbs in my bedroom They occasionally turn off, but never for more than 5 seconds"

"How to capture an elephant step 1 dig a hole. step 2 fill the hole with ash. step 3 surround it with peas. step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!"

"If Kim Jong UN and Kim Kardashian got married and had a child what would they name it? Kim JordashUn?"

"Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!"

"Knock Knock Who's there? No bitches"

"When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing."

"Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down."

"I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking ""hey, can I see how you look?"" is frowned upon."

"You know what they say about wizards with big hands? The have big staffs"

"Reddit servers... Sorry if repost"