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Joke of the Day

"""Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"" -""A little early isn't it, Woody?"" -""For a beer?"" -""No, for stupid questions."""

"What's the tallest building? A library, because it has so many stories."

"I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought He's trying to pull a fast one."

"I like my women how I like my coffee. Small, dark, and made by my parents."

"Black and white... I've just woken up with black and white squares all over my face. I'll have to get this checked."

"A patient wakes up and yells ""I can't feel my legs!!!"" The doctor says, ""Of course you can't! I amputated your arms."""

"RULE OF THUMB: If a movie trailer makes me mutter, ""No one wants to see that,"" then about 50-100 million people will want to see that."

"Sometimes, eating is very similar to driving. You trust stale greens"

"My computer is quick to point out when I eject a disk improperly, but never notices when I've ejected a disk beautifully."

"never trust a persom who speaks in absolutes"