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Joke of the Day

"How was there no jackass in a giant penis costume at the women's March? That would of been hilarious. You would never see feminists beat a dick so hard."

"What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator :)"

"Why didn't the electron leave it's house? Because it was grounded."

"Whenever someone tells me ""make yourself at home"" at their house, I always clog their toilet"

"Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat"

"Three blind ______ In Asia, its not 3 blind mice. It's 3 blind rice."

"That group of millionaires owned by that one millionaire is beating that other group of millionaires owned by that other millionaire. Yes!!!"

"What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning? Well it's back to the old grind!"

"[during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?"

"I hate when Doctors asks questions like . . . ""Are you sexually active?"" Depends on what you mean by ""active"". There are plenty of ""active"" volcanoes that haven't gone off in over 50 years."