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Joke of the Day

"What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning? Well it's back to the old grind!"

"Have you seen the new movie, ""Constipation""? It may not have come out yet."

"[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT"

"I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle."

"I'm so horrified right now. I'm on the treadmill reading about the bombings in Syria. And my T-shirt's on backwards!"

"The weather in England is like the Muslims in Iraq. It's either Sunni, or Shiite."

"The three unwritten rules of life. 1. 2. 3."

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped wrapped in cellophane.... The psychiatrist says ""well, I can clearly see your nuts"""

"How can you tell when a vampire is sick? By his coffin!"

"*unexpected snow fall* Americans: ""It's the end. The apocalypse is here!"" Canadians: ""Huh...I might need a jacket"""