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Joke of the Day

"95% of parenting is using your sock as a mop."

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"Me: do you love me? Siri: I'm only your assistance. Me: if you don't, I will jump off a bridge. Siri:there are two bridges near you."
"The embarrasing email Hillary Clinton doesn't want anyone to know about [deleted]"
"I was gonna make a joke about sluts... ...but it would just be whoreable."
"Donald Trump on Twitter: ""The Theater has always been a safe place"" Abraham Lincoln: ""Dude"""
"*steps on Lego* *stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos* *throws all Legos away* *Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*"
"I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall 'for a good time'. Then I recognized my hand writing."
"May 4th is Star Wars day May the 4th be with you!"
"How did you know that the janitors were dating? They were caught sweeping together."
"""So You Think You Can Keep Your Stupid Talent to Yourself and Stop Bothering People?"" would be a show I'd watch."