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Joke of the Day

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,""Help, they've turned me into a parrot"", you are wasting everybody's time."

"I'm great at drinking and driving but I would never do them at the same time."

"I'm not saying she's worse than my mom... But my wife doesn't seem to like any of my girlfriends."

"My lesbian neighbours gave me a Rolex for my birthday I'ts nice, but i think they misunderstood me when i said: i wanna watch"

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the penis [cough], father [ah], ladder"

"I was sexually assaulted by a ghost. Didn't see it cuming."

"Why do black men wear baggy trousers? Because their knee grows."

"Starting a blog that's just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work."

"I take offense to this subreddit... ...and use it to keep the animals out."

"What do diapers and politicians have in common? They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason"