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Joke of the Day

"[Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie."

"Never kiss a Canary. You'll get churpies! (It's a Canarial disease)."

"People who say they are ""comfortable in their own skin,"" scare me because I wonder how they know what it's like to wear someone else's skin"

"I think I'm allergic to alcohol... After about 10-12 beers, I throw up. It's the damndest thing!"

"And how would you like that cooked? ""I like my steak like I like my Pokemon... Rare"""

"I like my women how I like my candy bars... with nuts"

"Why do strippers hate roofers? They always pay in shingles."

"I heard there's this amazing place underground... ...where you can have sex with miners."

"Did you hear about that priest that turned to alcohol and drugs after he was confined to a wheelchair? He's no longer an upstanding member of the community."

"Who is more enthusiastic about performing oral sex, fat men or skinny men? Fat men, they'll eat anything."