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Joke of the Day

"A lady friend asked me back to her place to chat about conspiracy theories... Orwell, you know."

"Why couldn't the woman date a German man? Because she was Klaustrophobic!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you."

"It's great to get laid, It's awesome to get off, but damn it sucks to get laid off."

"I woke up this morning, and I've got the worst hangover.... ..... the sequel."

"If I don't make this right hand turn going exactly 3 mph, the entire universe will explode & everyone will die. - the lady in front of me"

"Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents."

"What do you call a pro-gamer? An ath1337"

"What did the boulder say to the other boulder? I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks."

"""I am as misquoted as Marilyn Monroe."" - Abe Lincoln"