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Joke of the Day

"I asked my boyfriend if I brought Joy to his life... ""Yes,"" he said. ""I knew it,"" I said, ""That backstabbing bitch!"""

"I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema Staff: ""for the hobbit?"" Me. : ""no, she's my friend"""

"I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off."

"Why a giraffe got arrested while driving? Coz he was high :D"

"Its only the three cats that are still undefeated in the NFL regular season The Bengals, The Panthers, and The Cheetahs!"

"I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists I am conflicted"

"I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me"

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? *The taste.*"

"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."

"I hate people that drink in order to have fun. Why can't they say it's great just to drink, whether you have fun or not?"