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Joke of the Day

"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."

"A priest and a rabbi are in a boat they approach a bridge over the river and see a young boy standing there. The priest says to the rabbi ""Should we fuck him?"" The rabbi replies ""Out of what?"""

"Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback"

"Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them they are going to invade Iran."

"What happened to the guy who ingested helium? He became enlightened."

"Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs"

"What is small furry and brilliant at sword fights ? A mouseketeer !"

"there is no need for awkward apologies if you walk in on someone and they're naked, just say ""haha saw your doodle"" and walk off. simples"

"What is a religious gorilla called? A monk-ey"

"Did you hear about the cannibal walking through the jungle and... he passed his brother?"