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Joke of the Day

"Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says, ""I think we're doing this joke wrong""."

"It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter"

"Oh, topical reference. You sure are about something."

"They say you are what you eat... That's why I'm a good person"

"wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!"

"Know why vodka is so clear? Its so Russians can tell it isn't tap water."

"Why is British weather muslim? Because when it isn't sunni, it's utter shiite"

"Sorting out Problems Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution."

"Girls want a Guy that's a gentleman and a Bad Ass! Girls want a guy that's a gentleman and a bad ass. On first dates, I wear a tuxedo and an eye patch!"

"During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to sex. Because they all ran away when I offered."