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Joke of the Day

"It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter"

"What's grey and comes in pints? An Elephant."

"If you need me I'll always be stuck behind the person who doesn't know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle."

"Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

"Don't commit suicide! It's illegal to destroy government property."

"It's been 5 years now. I'm afraid that I actually might not be bloated."

"What is Paula Deens Least Favorite Pokemon? Butterfree"

"I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer."

"If you fall I will be there - Floor"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I have no idea how they got in the lightbulb."