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Joke of the Day

"*Runs a bath Me: ok, jump in 3: it's too hot *Adds cold water Me: Ok, get in 3: it's too cold Apparently I gave birth to Goldilocks."

"What's the difference between American and Muslim teenage girls? It's illegal to fuck American girls when they're 12."

"Two elephants jumped off a cliff....... BOOM BOOM!"

"What times does the chinaman go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty"

"whenever my mom criticizes me i yell ""it's probably genetic"" and run out of the room as fast as i can"

"If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV"

"When it comes to gun control, the first thing that should be banned are tee shirt cannons."

"[Gone for an hour] Boss: Where have you been? Me: There was a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and I couldn't find the beginning."

"I'll get you socks and a dildo for your birthday. So if you don't like the socks, you can go fuck yourself"

"How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist? Gingerly."