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Joke of the Day
"You know you've just had lunch with a narcissist when your neck is stiff from nodding."
Next Joke
"I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people."
"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaay!"
"What did the Brontosaurus say to the Stegosaurus? ""Get Jurassic over here!"""
"My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system."
"It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I'm back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat."
"What did Abe Lincoln say to the judge when he asked how he pleas? I'm in a cent."
"My girlfriend kept asking me why I wasn't giving her the time of day anymore I said fine! It's 10:43"
"""Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."" - My Dad"
"I'm confused about plants"