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Joke of the Day

"It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I'm back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat."

"*looks at fish tank 6: It's part cat and part fish? Me: No it's just a fish *Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest"

"What cell carrier do Mormons use? Virgin Mobile"

"I was devastated to find my first love in bed with my own father. ""We've been through this,"" said Mom."

"*Morgan Freeman time travels back to 1810* Morgan Slaveman"

"Did you hear about the surgeon who slipped whilst performing a circumcision?........ ......................he got the sack!"

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"

"Girl: I think we should just be friends Me: ya okay, but I get to be Chandler!"

"The best part about this status update is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it"

"Scott Eastwood says Ashton Kutcher slept with his girlfriend when they dated. I didn't know the Scott Eastwood and Ashton Kutcher had dated?"