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Joke of the Day

"""Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."" - My Dad"

"How many cops does it take to push a hooker down the stairs? None, ""she fell""."

"Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful? A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin."

"Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons."

"How bad is the economy? Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs."

"Where do the stinky penguins live? Antfartica"

"I was reading a book on animal... Thats when i saw all the rampages!"

"I can't help but feel important when someone says there's a special place in hell for people like me."

"I'm confused, if all these rappers really are the genuine article like they claim, then who are all these phonies they keep talking about?"

"What's the difference between a pill and my penis? A pill can achieve an erection."