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Joke of the Day

"Thou puny pottle-deep joithead! You tell em Shakespeare!"

"I Messed up a Customer's Sandwich Order Today... Oh shit, nevermind, wrong sub"

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your sister's ass."

"Whats better than Roses on a Piano? Tulips on an Organ."

"Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that..."

"You hang Up. ""No you hang Up."" No YOU hang Up. ""No YOU hang Up."" - couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters"

"Why can't British people go to North Korea? Nobody at the ticket counter knows what ""north career"" means"

"You get a fish bite! You get a fish bite! You get a fish bite! You're all getting fish bites! - OPiranha"

"Me: k well my phones gonna die so I'll ttyl Mom: But ur office is a landline? Me: oh...so it is....K well the building is on fire, sooo ttyl"

"If my 6 year old tells me someone was ""mean to him"" I never know if they stole his bike or tried to cook him a healthy meal."