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Joke of the Day

"I Messed up a Customer's Sandwich Order Today... Oh shit, nevermind, wrong sub"

"What's long, hard and has cum in it? A cucumber"

"Police officer: ""Can you identify yourself, sir?"" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: ""Yes, it's me."""

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2: One to screw in the bulb, and one to hold the penis... LADDER, I MEAN LADDER!"

"May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning"

"What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? Its ass"

"[grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Apparently fat people in scooters despise being called a cripple-potamous"

"5 years ago, I asked the love of my life on a date. Yesterday, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. Posted this on r/funny and was told to post it here also."

"Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my dick"