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Joke of the Day

"I think my friend Ben has a bad reputation. Every time I tell someone that me and my other buddy are friends with Ben Ofitz, they give me a strange look."

"Why is divorce so expensive? Its worth it!"

"Why did the black man walk backwards? I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk."

"*going through mail* ""bills bills bills bills bills"" ""I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."""

"What do you call a Paraplegic runner? A Boston Marathon Victim."

"why did the hipster burn his tounge? because he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin."

"Everyday I get at least 3 people who follow me and then immediately delete their accounts. proposed theory: My tweets kill people."

"[dinner party] mario: what's in this risotto? me: mushroom, you're not allergic? mario: *grows to like 20 feet*"

"The man who invented anagrams has died. May he erect a penis."