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Joke of the Day

"What's the most beautiful thing in Advanced Physics? A passing grade. :)"

"If I were really famous, I wouldn't even need body guards. These maxi pads promise me 10 hours of protection, each."

"What did the russian say before Putin penetrated his asshole? *russian accent* Put it in Putin!"

"You know what's fucked up? A girl on top."

"I had a dark bump on my arm checked out at my ontologist... I tried to get a diagnosis but instead he went on about reality and existence."

"Those Valentine's Day displays at the entrance of every store are like surprise parties for your loneliness."

"My kid's latest report card looks like someone with a stutter is trying to swear."

"Advice tip for people: 1 stick hand in glue 2 stick hand in feather 3 now you are like bird. Impress your friend."

"What's the best way to stop a runaway horse? Bet on it."

"I got shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what it was laced with but I was tripping all day!!"