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Joke of the Day

"I am a recovering redneck. It's been three weeks since I dry humped a cousin."

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""santa"" ""santa who?"" ""santander... We're repossessing your house because you haven't paid the mortgage""."

"Sorry I always spell your name Brain, guys named Brain."

"Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on 'Once Upon A Christmas'? Isn't that a form of cannibalism?"

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can't. The only thing they can screw is your mind."

"Coffee is a miracle. Perhaps the only miracle. Does that sound crazy? I've had a lot of the miracle this morning. My eyes are shaking."

"A roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The barkeeper looks at him and says ""mate, don't you mean a martini?"" The centurio answers ""if i wanted a double i would've ordered it!"""

"I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween, so I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in... Fuck the ships ! My lighthouse, my rules !"

"How did the gay wizard dissappear? He went with a poof!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cam ! Cam who ? Camalot is where King Arthur lived !"