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Joke of the Day

"I am a recovering redneck. It's been three weeks since I dry humped a cousin."

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish."

"What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window? Come back essay!"

"Black kids play NBA 2K... and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player. White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible."

"Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can."

"I'm planning on being more spontaneous in the future"

"What's the difference between eating pussy and eating apple pie? You can eat your mom's apple pie."

"Smiling is disencoursged in my country. It isn't illegal but it is frowned upon."