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Joke of the Day

"I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween, so I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in... Fuck the ships ! My lighthouse, my rules !"

"/r/programming joke On a scale if 0 to 1, does it hurt?"

"What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-o acid."

"I told Cheryl Cole I was taking her to Scandinavia for a weeks holiday. ""Norway?"" ""No, I'm serious."""

"Today I picked up a hitchhiker. Dropped him off at Crystal Lake. Seemed nice but didn't say a word. Was wearing a hockey mask. Oh, these wacky kids and their crazy fashions!"

"How do you you ask your male friend to shave your body? You don't."

"Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children ""Torn condoms""?"

"I treat my television in the same way that I treat my girlfriends. I abandon them and subscribe to Netflix"

"What's the worst thing a girl can hear when she's giving Willie Nelson a blowjob? ""I'm not Willie Nelson..."""

"what's the difference between Rosie O'Donnell and a stab wound? one is a fat and nasty unbearable gash,..... and the other is a fucking stab wound."