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Joke of the Day

"Why did Fred put band aids in the refrigerator? He wanted cold cuts."

"What's Dale Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album? Dark side of the moon. You sick bastard."

"Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck !"

"Don't you just hate it when you finally get the courage to confess your love to someone and they just stare at you, meow and walk away."

"I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out."

"A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius."

"As of now, I only know of three Jewish holidays: Hanukkah The Bar Mitzvah The Oscars"

"Oh, you solved a murder? I guess that's cool. One time I didn't run over my ex when I saw him crossing the street. I prevented a murder."

"I don't think this guy who just told a woman to calm down understands how women work"

"god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi"