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Joke of the Day

"A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius."

"My ex sent me a text saying ""please delete my number..."" I sent one back saying ""who's this?"""

"Due to a gypsy curse, I gain weight each time I consume more calories than are burned by my basal metabolic rate plus daily activities."

"[talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man"

"Depression hurts. Ask your doctor if maybe he wants to hang out Saturday night if he's not doing anything."

"I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's birthday and I need to show respect."

"A knock knock joke Knock knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't keep making you knock only to have me keep saying banana over and over again in preparation for the punchline?"

"Voldemort: So I just have to lie? Pinocchio: Yep"

"As a young southern farmer I used to dread wasting my time with hoes Now finally I can afford a tractor"

"how do you cease chritianiny from existing stop having children"