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Joke of the Day

"launch my dead body into space but not too far away. if my calculations are correct, i will win the public pool splash contest in 2076"

"Daaaaamn boy. Are you an Adobe update? Cause you keep showing up and I still don't want you."

"@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze... it's like a little party on your face."

"Winnie the Pooh: will u marry me? Piglet: for the last time, u don't get a literal ""honey"" moon Pooh: pls say yes I need to see for myself"

"Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving..."

"If my dick was a dude... He would prefer the term little person"

"Why do beaches not get sarcasm? Because they always take things littorally"

"Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences? Because there is a lot of reposting to do."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and maybe Prince Charming just doesn't like whiny bitches?"

"When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message."