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Joke of the Day

"When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message."

"Someone talked to me today about having two X chromosomes. Typical woman."

"I thought my watch ran out of battery power... It scared me for a second."

"Does everyone get take 'by mouth' printed on their pills or did the pharmacist look me over and think hmm...this guy might go the other way?"

"What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself"

"My girlfriend just said, ""Your obsession with cats is out of control, so I've packed your bags."" I think she's kicking meeeowt."

"A woman with big boobs will never truly know if she's actually interesting."

"Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change."

"What is Jeb Bush's campaign slogan? Third time's the charm"

"Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying. They don't bully people who'd throat punch em without thinking twice."