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Joke of the Day

"I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table."

"I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds ""by mouth"" on the prescription label."

"When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty"

"Just bought a new disposable razor. Or a spaceship."

"""Will you just be doing simple abductions? Do you need soundproofing? Shackle package?"" - van salesman"

"What's the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art, and Judo is what they make bagels from."

"Riddle me this Which does not belong: * Nipple clamps * Soy * Vibrator Answer: The nipple clamps, the other two are meat substitutes."

"Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead."

"how many screws hold together a lesbians bed? None it's all tongue and groove"

"What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man? He will B flat"