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Joke of the Day

"I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table."

"Today my mum told me I wasn't an only child.... Today my mum said that I was an only child. I said, I already knew that mum seeing as dad is in jail for rape."

"Why are there no casinos in China? They hate Tibet."

"Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise."

"Kylie Jenner's nipple goes viral She should probably see a doctor"

"[A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] ""Son, when-"" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* ""Know what, we're good"""

"What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite film? It's fucking Frozen."

"What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas? You only get presents from one set of grandparents."

"What did the blind guy say to the deaf guy? I hear what your saying, but I don't see your point"

"If girls didn't exist... ... then life would be a real pain in the ass."