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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress? A gender bender Bender fender bender."

"What did the management consultant think of his job? It was the Bain of his existence."

"You would be a good dancer Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet"

"wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us"

"The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their ""worst regret"" when you break up."

"I have eight words to say to you...."

"Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe."

"A midget Mexican is called a paragraph. Because he aint no full essay ;)"

"All good Dick jokes... are well concocted."

"(All credit goes to my 4 year old niece) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentickles!"