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Joke of the Day

"Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe."

"Teacher to lil Donal Trump Teacher: what you want to be when you grow up? lil Donald: I want to be Donald Trump because I'm rich, very...rich."

"INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? SLOTH: *Points to another part of the building* Around there maybe"

"Ever get high off of watching Rambo? I got really Stalloned the other night."

"I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month."

"How many fams does it take to get the sky lit? Just one sun"

"I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, ""I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"""

"Why are millenials so odd? Because they can't even..."

"I don't kill spiders because when spiders become our mutant overlords and eat us, they will look at me and say, ""She's cool. Let her live."""

"BUSINESS IDEA: CinnaBon-Iver. Delicious pastries filled with scarf scraps and broken pieces of wind chimes."