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Joke of the Day

"wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us"

"Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn't have any common sense."

"I hate control freaks. They never listen to me."

"Have you heard about the midget Klan member? He was a little racist."

"Where do old bowling balls end up? In the gutter!"

"Online piracy is bad, one time I downloaded a boat"

"a misunderstanding teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence? little johnny: my sister has ten buttons on her shirt but she can only fasten eight"

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash."

"What do you call a nation of programmers? A developing country"

"If I haven't said something mildly offensive today I'm sorry and I promise to try harder"