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Joke of the Day

"You would be a good dancer Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet"

"My doctor told me I only have two months left to live so I shot him, judge gave me 30 years."

"A vulture boards a plane... ...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, ""I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."""

"[job interview] ""What's your greatest weakness?"" Alcohol ""Umm ok, how about strengths?"" *pouring him a shot* Sharing"

"What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand? They think long and hard before they touch weiner."

"Why was the mushroom a hit at parties? Because he was a *fungi*"

"My friend makes urinal cakes for a living... ...it takes him 35 minutes to bake each batch."

"How do Germans tie their shoes? In little Nazis"

"Houses If the Red House is red and the Blue House is Blue, what color is the Green House? ... Brown. I accidentally broke the sprinkler system."

"If mankind has learned one thing from human history, I'd be stunned."