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Joke of the Day

"The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their ""worst regret"" when you break up."

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"My girlfriend is reading a book about ""love languages"". Hers is verbal. Mine is oral."
"I've been watching so much porn lately that... I spit on my hot-dog before I put it on my bun..."
"What if Forrest Gump's e-mail password? 1Forrest1 ...yeah we all saw that one coming."
"CW: what did you do to your hair today? Me: It's really unclear whether you think it's good or you think I slept in a ditch."
"[intercom] Please stop putting clown shoes on the sacrificial goat. The ritual is in 3 days & the other cults aren't taking us seriously."
"""...and it looks like you spent $80,000 on alcohol this year?"" - my tax guy"
"Whoever drew the food pyramid forgot to coat the outside in Ranch dressing."
"Two white guys and a black guy go to the police station The two white guys return"
"What do internet football fans sing? E we go E we go E we go!"