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Joke of the Day

"What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot? Aye CaRoomba"

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in.."

"My SO is on a diet and I noticed she was staring at her food so I asked why..... She said 'I'm watching what I eat'."

"You can tell a lot about a person by how quickly they grab their phone back to make sure you don't scroll through the rest of their photos."

"An Irishman walks out of a bar... It could happen"

"Your mom's so poor She has to name her town in animal crossing Value Village."

"Lush is kinda like cocaine. Its all lined up on the tables and you spend your entire time using your nose."

"Did you hear the watermelon joke? It's pitful."

"The biggest lie told on the internet 'I have read and understand the terms and conditions'"