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Joke of the Day

"My SO is on a diet and I noticed she was staring at her food so I asked why..... She said 'I'm watching what I eat'."

"What do you call a Mexican burglar? Juanted"

"Glad I read the label on that Clorox. I was about to rub it in my eyes and keep it in the reach of so many children."

"The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on."

"Why do traffic lights never go swimming? Because they spend too much time changing."

"If you have three tuna and take away one half, what do you have? Two 'n' a half -OR- tuna half."

"Finally an international statesman supports Prism ....Kim Jong Un says it's a great idea."

"It's fun to watch babies taste new things like ice cream, lemons, or 9-volt batteries."

"Whats the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message."

"Pretty unfair that sharks get a whole week and vampires only get a weekend."