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Joke of the Day

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal"

"What's the Cincinnati Zoo's least favorite rap group? Gorillaz"

"Have you heard of the band 1023 Megabytes? They've never had any gigs."

"Auto correct changed ""group hug"" to ""grope hug"" and I'm not in charge of the team-building exercises any more."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Craig ! Craig who ? Craig in the wall !"

"Two guys are walking down the road and they see a dog licking himself. First guy says, ""Boy I sure wish I could do that."" Second guy says, ""I think you should try to pet him first."""

"My house is so trashed that Whitney Houston just dropped by in her 1988 Ford Escort & gave me a high five & then she asked me for ten bucks."

"Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is."

"I miss the good old days when no one knew what gluten was."